Supporting the Grief Journey After a Burn Injury

After a burn injury or the burn injury of a loved one, people experience a wide range of thoughts and feelings. The one emotion that might be difficult to recognize and verbalize is grief.

The American Psychological Association defines grief as “the anguish experienced after a significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. Grief often includes physiological distress, separation anxiety, confusion, yearning, obsessive dwelling on the past, and apprehension about the future.”

People most commonly experience grief reactions after the death of a loved one, but it’s important to acknowledge that grief can be experienced after any loss. This is certainly true for individuals who are navigating life after a burn injury.

Burn survivors face many losses and a range of emotions in the weeks, months, and years following an injury. These losses can be tangible and intangible in nature. There are visible losses like a change in appearance due to scarring, amputation, the death of a loved one as a result of the same incident, or the loss of a home or belongings due to a fire. Other losses might be invisible: the loss of perceived safety, the loss of identity, navigating a new way of doing things, changes in relationships, and—probably one of the most significant—the loss of the life one expected to live.

The grief experienced in the midst of these losses can leave burn survivors and their loved ones feeling sadness, fear, loneliness, survivor’s guilt, anxiety, anger, hopelessness, avoidance, shame, and a number of other emotions associated with grief and loss. It’s important to have these thoughts and feelings validated and normalized as a part of the grief experience.

For those grieving losses other than death, their feelings might be minimized or not acknowledged at all. This can result in what is called disenfranchised grief. Disenfranchised grief can increase the risk of depression, ongoing emotional distress, withdrawal from family and friends, physical ailments, and lower self-esteem.

By acknowledging the burn survivor’s grief, the grieving person will have their experiences and feelings validated. This will provide more opportunities for their grief to be integrated into their life story. Integrated grief is the lasting form of grief. It remains present, but it’s no longer a dominant factor in day-to-day living.

Supporting the Grief Journey

By encouraging healthy grieving, individuals in support roles can help burn survivors integrate their grief. One important task for supporting people is to provide a compassionate presence by listening or sitting in silence alongside them. Often, when talking with a grieving person, there is a desire to “fix” or “change” the experience for them. In some instances, problem-solving can be helpful. At other times, the grieving person may just need to vent. It can be helpful to ask a grieving person, “Would you like me to listen, or would you like me to help you problem-solve?” This question gives the grieving person an opportunity to answer the question honestly and eliminates the support person from acting on the assumption of what they think they should be doing.

Another helpful support tool is to avoid pointing out silver linings. As a general rule, avoid any sentence that starts with the words “at least.” For people in the early stages of acute grief, it can be difficult to have others minimize their feelings or have expectations of gratitude put on them. Statements such as “at least you survived” or “at least your burns are hidden” can be hurtful and even harmful because they might invalidate the feelings of the grieving person at this time. Burn survivors might come to these realizations as they move forward in their grief journey and might even use “at least” statements when speaking for themselves, but it’s key that they come to these thoughts on their own.

A final consideration for individuals in support roles is to be aware there isn’t a prescribed timeline or checklist for those who are grieving. The act of grieving is a process, and it continues to change and evolve over time. For those who sustain burn injuries at young ages, it’s important to acknowledge that they will continue to grieve throughout growth and development. As they get older, they may have different feelings and reactions to their burn injuries, and it can look and feel like acute grief—even years down the road. The same can be true for those injured in adulthood. Grief may present at different milestones or anniversaries. In all these instances, it’s important for the grief to be witnessed and acknowledged.

Self-Care for Navigating Grief

It’s equally important for the burn survivor and their loved ones to acknowledge and care for themselves as they navigate their grief journeys. There may be no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to grieve. To support healthy grieving, it’s important to be intentional in caring for oneself.

Here are five areas in which individuals can practice self-care on a grief journey:

• Physical: Eat healthy, take a walk, stretch, practice yoga, get adequate sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

• Mental: Practice a new skill, read, explore new hobbies, do a crossword puzzle, and practice mindful meditation.

• Social: Seek out a support system, communicate your needs to others, give yourself permission to set boundaries, and take a break from social media.

• Emotional: Identify your grief triggers, give yourself space and time to grieve, practice forgiveness, exercise gratitude, and do something for someone else.

• Spiritual: Read a daily devotional, pray, meditate, spend time in nature, or keep a gratitude journal.

These are all potential tools for coping. This isn’t an exhaustive list and there isn’t one specific tool that will work for everyone. Rather, these are all ideas that can be added to one’s grief toolbox.

Finding Support

Caring for oneself and seeking support from those closest to you are important in a grief journey. However, sometimes the people we expect to be present to support us simply can’t be. If you feel like you need more support or if you recognize that your support system isn’t supporting you in the ways you need, it can be helpful to expand your support network. This can include seeking professional counseling from a provider who specializes in grief, loss, and trauma; attending support groups; or seeking out peer support from others who have had the shared experience of a burn injury. Having a support system to witness and acknowledge your grief can make all the difference in your grief journey.

Disclaimer: The medical information provided on this website is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Medical knowledge is continually evolving, and recommendations may change over time. Content shared by subject matter experts reflects their expertise and experience at the time of publication and may not be applicable to all individuals. Always seek the guidance of your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have about a medical condition. The views expressed by individual contributors do not necessarily reflect those of Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors.